Birthdays...

On this night 4 years ago, I was wide awake, just as I find myself on this rainy night.  When the sun rises, I will have a very excited little boy- very ready to celebrate his 4th birthday.  But four years ago, on this very day, Ben and I got up before sunrise and headed to our local hospital, where I had worked for the previous 4 years.  This very same OB-GYN had delivered Eli just 3 years prior, and I knew I was in good hands.  These nurses had watched my belly grow week by week, and were incredibly excited to help me welcome my sweet little man.    But, the knowledge of this does not take away the anxiety of a momma who has given birth previously.  It is a miraculous experience, and a scary experience, filled with worries of something going wrong with me or the baby, worries of pain, worries of details surrounding the big brother and sister.  Especially for a nurse who knows in graphic detail all of the things that can (and do) go wrong.  

Thankfully, nothing went wrong.  After a pregnancy plagued with kidney stones (20+ of them, actually) resulting in multiple hospitalizations and a fractured elbow early on in my pregnancy, I was aiming for a pain-free delivery.  Which I mostly got.  I arrived 4 cm dilated (where I stayed the last month of my pregnancy with both boys), and my induction started with my first-ever Pitocin drip at 6 am.  My water was broke somewhere in the 8s and Liam was born by 10.  My lifelong best friend Jenna made the trip to be in the delivery room to take pictures, and my mom + Ben were there as well.  An epidural, progression straight to 10 cm, and one and a half pushes later, I was handed a perfect, beautiful Apgar score 9, screaming baby boy with amazing complexion and beautiful black hair.  (For a much better detailed birth story, click here ).  He looked exactly what I expected him to, and was pure newborn perfection.  Of course, at this point, I was ready to go home, but my amazing and loving husband had threatened my life not to request this, so I obliged and actually walked from my L&D suite to my Postpartum Room. (I'm either a rockstar patient or "one of those" patients… I'm not sure.)  For some reason my OB-GYN and hubby always side together.  

This little guy is not just any special kid.  He's my last baby.  And today, he is turning four. Which means by any logical standards, he is not a baby anymore.  Thankfully, no one has given him that memo yet, and he's still more than happy to snuggle with his Momma on  the regular, and I am still "his best friend!"  

He is definitely more Sydney than Eli, both in appearance and personality.  He has two modes- he's either terrified of something, or he owns it-- no middle ground.  (Thankfully, he's been a rockstar and conquering lots of fears!)  He loves with his whole heart and is such a sweet friend.  He's my best cleaner by light years, and loves to do anything to please me, so he helps out a lot.  He's also my biggest crybaby-- he still won't stay in his class at church without me, and if he doesn't like something, he's pretty vocal about that too!  :)  Just like both Sydney and Eli, he's beyond incredibly smart.  He's been insanely vocal since day one, and his logic and reasoning skills for a just-turning 4 year old are mind boggling.  Over the last year, he's wanted to be a garbage man, a teacher, and a policeman, so I think the verdict is still out on that one.  I have no doubt he will pursue something with lots of passion and make a difference in lots of lives no matter which path he takes! 

I've seen lots of adoptive families post "We could've missed this."  I often get emotional thinking about this with my Liam.  My third kid (in 4 years).  We had two healthy kids- a boy and a girl (and a dog!)  By American standards, we should have been done.  Ben would have been joyous to be done!!  But he loved me enough to give me ONE MORE sweet Brooks baby.  And I tear up every time I think about "We could've missed this."  This baby boy that wraps his arms around your neck and gives you the best hugs ever.  This baby boy that spent the first half of his life calling me "Mommia."  This baby boy that shocked most of our family who were content to have Sydney and Eli that they could fall head over heels in love with another Brooks baby.  This baby boy that completes our family, and has made my heart ok with that.  This baby boy that isn't a baby anymore.  

Blue Ribbon Foods... it's way more than a freezer for us!

Ben and I have struggled for most of our marriage with eating at home.  Depending on which season of life, we likely had a very valid reason that eating out just worked better for our family.  And although it did work well for us, I knew this could not be our forever nutrition.

When we first got married, there was the fact that sometimes he got off at 7pm, and other times it was 10pm.  Or the fact that I drove clear across the state for school 3 days a week, and grocery shopping and cooking were not in my top 10 of priorities.
Then came pregnancy which brought oh so much nausea.  Envision this scene, walk in Kroger, smell the bread, coffee, and sushi, run to restroom to throw up, and leave Kroger without any groceries. Then was a tiny newborn, followed very quickly by another equally nausea/vomiting riden pregnancy.  THEN, I had a one year old and a newborn, and by that time, eating out was a way of life for us.  Not to mention the fact that by the time you put the one year old and the newborn in the shopping cart, there was truly no room for groceries in the cart!!

Blue Ribbon Foods was our perfect solution for so many reasons!  The first and most common sense reason is that it is simple.  The foods are simple and the process is simple.  We have a freezer that we essentially lease to own with 6 months of meats, veggies, pizzas, a few casserole type dishes on our basement.  Guaranteed.  Guaranteed if we don't like it we can trade it in.  Guaranteed if there's a power outage, etc we are protected from that loss.  We never have the excuse of "We don't have anything to eat!". In fact, we always have something to eat.   We can grill, use our Crock-Pot, bake, stir-fry.  The foods are free of chemicals and dyes so we know we aren't feeding our family crap.  The ordering and delivery process is so insanely easy.  Our monthly cost is cheaper than we were paying for groceries and we get the food, freezer and don't have to go to the store for more than milk, bread, cereal and fruit.

We have gone from eating out at almost every meal to maybe eating out once per week.  It has truly been life changing for our family!

The reps for Blue Ribbon will actually come and cook FOR you for free and tell you all about this fantastic company.  If this is something you may be interested in trying, let me know and I can get you hooked up with someone in your area.

(Disclaimer:. I am not being compensated in any way for this post.  Blue Ribbon Foods also has an amazing referral program where I do get cash bonuses when my friends sign up.  And you get bonuses after your friends sign up.  It's another fantastic thing to love about them!! ).

Smarty Pants

When I was pregnant I joked that I prayed for my kids to be healthy first and smart second.  The first one is obvious, but my patience with sounding out words, etc is almost zero, so I prayed for smart kids.  Ben and I were both super lucky to have soared through school academically and I felt this was a *need*.   I have often joked since that I forgot to pray for their behavior. 

Yesterday, or one day this week, because let's be realistic, it's been a big blur, the big kiddos got their report cards.  I see their papers on a weekly basis, so I know that they're doing well, but I was floored by their report cards.  Eli had all 99 and 100s (he gets THAT from his Momma!), and Sydney's grades were nearly equally impressive.  Our school does not do homework and our kids have studied a total of five minutes, collectively, this school year.  To say that we are lucky or blessed is a massive understatement.  This same kids can't complete a sentence or a thought or sit in their chairs long enough to complete their tests without medication for ADHD.   Together with their amazing teachers, our awesome school, their super smart selves, their love for learning, and their ADHD medication, what an amazing school year they are having!  If someone is making you feel like a bad parent for making a choice that you feel is best for your child, do not listen to them.  Listen to your heart and get your child help.  ADHD is not a made up disorder and it can make a crazy smart kid have a crazy hard time performing in school if they can't focus, can't sit still, can't finish writing their name on their papers! 

This school year both Sydney and Eli have developed a love of learning history.  They've both memorized super long passages from the Bible, and hopefully stored those in their hearts so that they will always have God's word tucked close by.  They are both fantastic readers, you know the fluid ones I prayed for, and are both enjoying reading on their own as well.  Sydney has always loved school, but over the last year (end of K, first part of 1st), Eli really enjoys school and learning and that makes my Momma heart so very happy! 

This post is in no way meant to brag, because I promise we have insane amounts of struggles on a daily basis.  You know, like putting socks on and brushing our teeth.  But, despite all of that crazy and stress, I wanted to reflect on what a blessing it is to have kiddos who are going to be lifelong learners.  Kiddos that when I say they can be anything their hearts want to be, it's true.  And what an answered prayer that is! 

(Liam was left out of this post because he did not get a report card.  However, I expect no different from that crazy boy.  The amount of logic and reasoning and advanced vocabulary that comes from such a tiny person is mind boggling. )

To my gymnast on the night of her first competition

Dear my beautiful gymnast on the night before your first competition,

I'm not sure how we ended up here but I'm so glad that we did.  We didn't plan to have you in competitive gymnastics.  We didn't research the best gyms or coaches or programs in our area.  I had spent years telling you no to gymnastics.  Actually, one of mommy's best friend's asked me to sign you up for a 4 week summer class, and I said yes. 

This was not supposed to be "your thing.". You were a beautiful ballerina.  With beautiful lines and pointy toes.  Your cartwheels were crooked, but the coaches saw more, and so did I.  You had a sparkle in your eyes and a determination I had never seen in you before.  Instead of getting angry or frustrated when something wasn't naturally perfect, you just practiced and practiced until it came easily.  Three classes in, you were invited into an advanced class and then the competitive team.  The amount of progress you've made in six months is mind boggling! 

You practice for two hours a day, twice a week, and are still flipping as we walk out the door.  You've never complained once about going to practice.  You're so very excited about your first competition tomorrow, and even more excited that it's on your birthday weekend.  You have hopes for lots of gold medals tomorrow.  When I tried to remind you that it was your first meet and that you might not win a gold medal, and we were just so excited to see you do your best, you reminded me that it was everyone on your team's first meet, and you planned to win some gold medals.  Dream big, baby girl, dream big.  I don't have a competitive bone in my body, but you do, and to watch the hard work you've put in and the confidence that you have makes me so proud!! 

You fell asleep without any trouble tonight, but I lay awake doing all of your worrying for you.  Will you win any medals?  Will you get nervous and freeze?  Will you fall?  Will you get hurt?  No one can answer these questions, but we do know that no matter what, you will do your very best, and we will be so incredibly proud of you!  

365 Project- 2017

So considering my ultimate failure a few days in last year, the fact that I started the 365 Project on Day 3 should not surprise you.  I am committed to documenting our chaotic, crazy life this year through this photography project, and hopefully now that my ADHD is under control, I will have the focus to complete this project.

Day 3, A bed full of kiddos plus a cat!

Day 4, Sweet Brothers

Day 5, This Girl is Crazy Cute

Day 6, A Messy Playroom and Focussed Kiddos

Day 7, Sydney and Skye with Sweet Snuggles

Day 8, Crazy Doesn't Even Describe These Guys

Day 9, "Cheese!"--- Both the smile and the pizza!

Day 10, Post-op snuggles with Mommy
from the sweetest 3 year old I know!

Day 11, Because Flowers Make Everything Feel Better!
Love Southside Newnan Church!

#whatnottosay

Before you even start to read this, Disclaimer:  I am not currently pregnant.  Ok, you may continue!

I'm not sure if I'm just way sensitive while pregnant or people say some incredibly stupid things to pregnant women.  I think it's a big combination of both with a major emphasis on people say the most obvious and dumb things to expectant women.  But, after being pregnant for a total of 126 weeks, I have been told some really nasty things. 

1) You look like you're about to explode/pop/must be due any day/must be more than one.  
Can we just stop and reflect on how anyone can think this is ok or appropriate to say??  Ok, you are most likely talking to a poor girl who has never been so large in her life watching the numbers of the scale increase at an exponential rate all in the name of bringing life into this world and you just called her fat.  You are not nice.  You are not funny.  You should just be quiet if this is all you have to say.

2) You know how that happens, right?
No, actually I don't.  I missed that day of health education.  Enlighten me.

3) Did you guys mean to "do that?"
Well, whether we did or didn't, we are fully committed to this life that we will be molding for this next double decade, so whether it was planned or unplanned is really zero public business!

4) While I'm on my don't say stupid things soapbox, let's talk about one more thing.  Two kids and a dog may have been the perfect size for your family.  Please remember that families are not one size fits all and no mom should feel the need to defend her family size to you or feel anxious about announcing a third+ pregnancy for fear of public reaction.  I love Baby #3 as much as my first!

I don't think people generally mean to be a complete jerk when talking to pregnant women but boy are they good at it anyway.  A great alternative option is "You look beautiful pregnant" or "You're going to be a great mom!"  Or, another option:  If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.  Silence is golden.  Especially when you're the man at the grocery store or the woman in the elevator, who in fact shouldn't have an opinion anyway.  Unless it's to tell us how cute Kid #2 is.  Then you may speak!  

Role Confusion

When I became a nurse practitioner, I had no idea the contraversial role I would find myself in.  As a registered nurse, I was never questioned for my motives.  It is a well respected role.  I was good at it, and I am smart.  The next logical step for my career was to become a nurse practitioner.   But whoa.  Suddenly, my training, my motives, and my future plans were all in question.  How can you possibly have a clue what you're doing when your school is online?  (The guy with the MBA also got his Master's online but no one is questioning that OR mentioning the 700+ clinical hours I had to get OR the 5 years bedside nursing experience I had prior to going back to school!)  You must've done this so you can make more money?  How much do you make?  You're really good at your job, when will you become a doctor? 

The patient's questions really don't bother me.  They really don't know and I don't mind explaining to them that I don't ever intend to become a physician.  (They all seem shocked by this.).

The problem I have the most is the culture of hatred and animosity from physicians.  Let me stop here to say that some of my favorite people in the world are physicians.  Some of the smartest people I know are physicians.  And fortunately, I have had the pleasure over the last decade to have amazing relationships with these physicians and learned so very much from many of them. 

But, spend 3-5 minutes on Google or reading the news feed of a few new(ish) physicians and you will find they do not like nurse practitioners.  Without speaking for a whole group of professionals, it appears they feel their very role, title, and all the prestige that comes along with it is being threatened by a group of very unprepared, undereducated (mostly) women.  They question our experience, our education, and our motives as well. 

I did not become a nurse practitioner to compete with physicians.  I was told there was a huge shortage of physicians and I could HELP them.  I actually became a NP to become a teammate of the very people who have so very little nice things to say about my profession.  My goal was absolutely not to take over anyone's job but to work alongside them and to help them provide the very best care for their patients-- for our patients. 

I don't have the same education as a physician, nor do I ever claim to.  Nurse practitioners do, however, have the unique blend of nursing school + countless shifts working side by side with patients and physicians + a master's program (which may be in a classroom or online) + an additional 700ish clinical hours precepted by physicians or other nurse practitioners.   So instead of saying "how can they possibly go to school online and do this?"--- remember that NP school is only a fraction of that whole experience.  Plus, in my very millennial-ish opinion, you absolutely can do almost anything online. 

I recently read an article where a newly graduated physician was mortified that he, along with NPs and PAs, were called providers.  How dare he be clumped together with those so far beneath him?!  I get it.  The amount of work, time, exhaustion, school it takes to become a physician is insane.  It's a monumental accomplishment and not something to share with those who didn't go through the same hell you did.  I correct every person who calls me Dr. Brooks and remind them that I have no earned that title.  I used to absolutely hate, hate, hate it when a medical assistant called themselves a nurse for all the same reasons and now I tell my patients "My nurse (medical assistant) will be right in.".  Because although we understand all the layers we have in healthcare, our patients don't.  You're either a nurse or a doctor.

Instead of wasting our time and energy trying to fight for our pride, we should totally be fighting for healthcare reform.  A healthcare system that provides true care for our patients and not just a check box system where we corral people in and out in 15 minutes and meet our metrics.  Our patients don't care if we meet them.  They care if we heard them and actually took care of them.  If we took our eyes off of our computer and looked them in the eyes.  If we gave them the chance to ask the questions they really had.  Instead of click, click, click, see you in 3 months. 

My heart is broken.  It is so full of the desire to make a difference in every life I touch.  It is full of the compassion to hug the brand new window and let her cry to me how much she misses her husband and how lost and lonely she feels.  I can't do that in a 15 minute time slot.  But, this is the sole reason I became a nurse (practitioner).  To make a difference in every life I touch.  To be respected and appreciated as a valid member of the team (not a tyrant trying to get rid of the team!).