This morning, I was completely ready to throw in the towel. I wasn't sure if I was going to throw it in on my kids, or my job, but I knew without a doubt that there was no way I could maintain the constant level of anxiety and heart-racing madness I feel on a daily basis. Alarm clock rings- get up- attempt to wake up three children who would much rather stay in their warm, cozy beds- cheerlead said children to put on socks, shoes, shirt (no, your other shirt!), brush your teeth, yes, bagels for breakfast, yes you do like bagels, brush your teeth, brush your hair, where's your belt- get in the car- buckle up- I said buckle up now!- sit down- it doesn't matter that you're buckled, when you sit like that, you are not safe- Kids out of the car through two carpool lines, and Deep breath. 7:51. My first patient's appointment isn't until 8:00. I should make it just in time. To start the craziness over. A balancing act of 18 patients in office, plus the ones that call (and call again!), send emails, have labs resulted or tests done and results sent to me.
So, back to this morning. I actually felt done. I can be a really good mom or a really good nurse practitioner, but not both, my head thought. Still going through the motions of my morning, so I don't guess I had committed to quitting either yet. Then, I get a text- quite a simple one actually. From a gymnastic's teammate of Sydney's mom. It simply said "Hey! I can take the girls to gymnastics today. If you guys have left already, just let me know and I will grab an extra leotard." It was in that moment that I stopped feeling like I was drowning and seriously about to take my next to last breath, and felt so much gratefulness for unexpected friends. This mom only entered our lives this summer. But she has become such a friend, and so much help in the last few months.
It got me thinking that although my adult life has been a blur of chaos, God has always sent me a friend that is unexpected and beyond amazing. Completely selfless. Doing way more for me than I deserve or can physically give in return.
Enter pregnant me. Fractured elbow. Kidneys full of stones that can't be blasted because of said pregnancy, and about 1/3 of the way done with nurse practitioner school. Enter unexpected amazing friend, who happened to live < 20 miles away (remember, online school, in Birmingham, AL!) We became instant friends, study partners, and confidants! The amount of coaching/prepping/and being WAY more prepared than me cannot be quantified! But, the joyful attitude and understanding she gave me as she helped me in so many ways will always, always, always be remembered! I'm not sure that I would have made it through nurse practitioner school without her. It certainly would have been a lot harder, and wwwaayyy more miserable!
5 years before- enter pregnant me. (Common denominator, much?) 4+ pitting edema, working 12 hour shifts, constant Braxton Hicks (I thought) contractions, shortness of breath, but determined to work through until my due date. Enter amazing newlywed, newly RN who became my instant friend at work. As my pregnancy progressed, so did the insane amount of help she became. She traded my dressing change for her patient education (You guys, that means while I got to go talk to a patient and show them some pictures and graphs, she took off blood saturated gauze, cleansed fresh surgical wounds, and replaced them with clean dressings, and made sure the patient was super cozy before she left them). These are not things nurses do for each other. They do not offer to do each others dressing changes. Although I was in no shape to give anything in return, I can promise you that I may not have made it through that year of nursing without her.
This post isn't about the amazing friends who I have had since pre-school, or small group friends who brought meals during some of these times, or my mom who goes so far above and beyond on a daily basis, or my amazing husband who probably wonders what he signed up for, and continues to want to do life with me, because those have definitely been there IN HUGE WAYS too, but about the ones that came out of no where, and were just instantly amazing and willing to do so much, with zero expectations in return. I'm not comfortable to say "God showed me this this morning," but He definitely put this on my heart. Yes, your life is insane. Yes, it's been that way forever. But, look at these amazing women I have put on your path with hearts like Martha that are going to love you, even in the midst of your crazy, and not ask why, or what were you thinking, but literally carry you through some of these days.
For these unexpected friends, I am so very thankful. You know who you are, and I love you each so much! :)
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